If the market knocks you down, try laughing instead of crying –

A final note on the SPY calendar spread I placed two weeks ago.  With the stock running up to over $122, it got quite far from the 115 strike I had selected.  As you may recall, I sold over half my positions and recovered all of my original investment and was waiting to see how much extra I would earn from selling the balance last Friday.  I picked up only $.40 ($200 on my original investment of $1800, so it wasn’t entirely a bad day).

This week I would like to share some humorous market definitions.

If the market knocks you down, try laughing instead of crying –

New Market Definitions: 
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO— Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

OUT OF THE MONEY —   When your checking account’s overdraft hits bottom.

CASH FLOW— The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.