This week is a good time to take a little break from the market (it’s the holiday season and volatility usually slows to a crawl and edges a little higher – it’s called the Santa Claus rally). It is a great time to own calendar spreads or my favorite ETNs (ZIV and XIV, two equities that have nearly doubled in each of the last two years).
Check out below how you can become a Terry’s Trades Insider, receive two month of free service plus several valuable reports, all for absolutely no cost while you enjoy all the benefits of a new account at thinkorswim by TD Ameritrade (including no commissions for two months of trading).
If the market knocks you down, try laughing instead of crying –
Some Market Definitions:
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
OUT OF THE MONEY – When your checking account’s overdraft hits bottom.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
Tags: stock market humor