This week I would like to share some humorous market definitions.
In case you missed it last week, we are keeping open our offer of the 2012 ebook version of Making 36% for only $2.99. This is your chance to learn everything you need to know about options (ok, maybe almost everything) for a lower price than ever before. Order here and use the code [this code is no longer valid]. The order form will say that you will receive the 2011 paperback edition but if you use the [this code is no longer valid] code, you will receive the 2012 ebook instead. (The revised 2012 paperback edition will be available next week if you would prefer to wait and get the hard copy at the regular price).
Even if you have purchased an earlier edition of my book, you might want to see the new version. Two new important strategies are spelled out for the first time – the 10K STUDD (Short Term Ultra Double Diagonal) and the Calendar Twist (a new approach to placing calendar spreads). Either strategy might change everything you ever thought about trading options.
If the market knocks you down, try laughing instead of crying–
Some Market Definitions:
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
OUT OF THE MONEY – When your checking account’s overdraft hits bottom.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.